Reality check

Walked into the chemist to pick up the BP machine I'd seen an hour earlier. And I thought I didn't do impulse buying. The attendant removed it from the box so as to test it. On me. I knew that the thing most likely works just fine but I indulged her. I had trouble with the figures that came up after it was done. Thought the systolic and diastolic figures were mixed up. Had an attendant measure hers. Normal. Had mine measured again. Even higher figures. Stroke city figures. I wasn't so much scared as I was bemused. No way. The attendant was clearly concerned. I was too young to be having such issues. Have seen that reaction before from pharmacists.

It got me thinking though. If you were given a certain, specific time to live, 3 months or 3 years, what would you do different. It would be ideal if you wouldn't feel the need to change anything. If you would indeed change some things, why wait for some event to make these changes. Why not do it now. Reminds me of my list, made after I'd had surgery and the surgeon intimated that I almost refused to wake up. Problem is I keep forgetting that kind of stuff, and only remember when jolted by some event. Perhaps I should check reality more often. Remind myself of the things that really matter.

It's been a while

Since I've had that feeling. When the heart kicks up a gear or two. When I noticed it, immediately my mind went into "what's the cause" mode. Reflex. I kind of figured what the cause was, but wasn't quite sure why the body was reacting the way it was. And seeing as the feeling tends to be involuntary and out of the blue, the ensuing sense of panic only exacerbates the problem. Potentially starting an endless cycle. But I've felt it before, so I knew what was going on. Although this time I thought I was going to black out. That prospect had never felt this real before. But I sat there still, and waited for it. Thinking how maybe I should have taken my beta blocker in the morning. Or not. Sometimes medication can desensitize you, making your mind and body forget what normal feels like.