Chronicles of a smiley

I'm off

2011-12-30T08:19:00.002+03:00

To the wilderness. Wonder what locusts with honey tastes like.

Where can wisdom be found

2011-06-26T19:02:00.002+03:00

Where does understanding dwell.

Let it be

2010-12-22T20:04:00.002+03:00

Happen what may.

Do la resistance

2010-12-02T10:41:00.002+03:00

Be strong.

Remember, remember

2010-11-09T15:24:00.002+03:00

Keep that in mind.

The world is mine

2010-10-20T12:47:00.002+03:00

Not.

Do good

2010-10-07T10:14:00.002+03:00

And continue to do good.

Self control

2010-10-05T07:41:00.002+03:00

Control. Self.

Braveheart

2010-09-28T14:38:00.002+03:00

Brave. Heart.

Words. Not so much.

2010-09-06T10:52:00.002+03:00

Actions. Better.

Surrender

2010-09-05T14:38:00.002+03:00

It's the only thing left to do.

Purpose driven

2010-08-27T07:49:00.006+03:00

Eye on the prize.

Plain old boring guy

2010-08-27T07:49:00.003+03:00

That's me.

Clouds without rain

2010-08-19T13:23:00.002+03:00

Springs without water.

If I condemn you

2010-08-09T13:45:00.000+03:00

I condemn myself.

What I want to do

2010-07-20T19:31:00.000+03:00

I do not do. But what I hate, I do.

I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out.

Forget the past

2010-07-10T13:30:00.002+03:00

Create a new history.

Eat and drink

2010-06-27T09:24:00.002+03:00

And be glad. Enjoy life.

God is real

2010-06-08T21:43:00.002+03:00

Watch Me Lord

2010-06-08T21:31:00.000+03:00

im not worried about tommorrow
my life is in his hands, and im not worrid about my sorrows
im here at his command
gives me strength when i need it
supply always demand
so when i call upon his name i know my life wont be the same
protect me from my friends oh lord, and i will watch my foes
those who wont to eat upon my flesh protect me from those foes
here i am at your service, oh almighty god
and if i call upon the name i know my life wont be the same.
Noooooooooooo

watch me lord in my time of need
watch me lord and increase my speed
watch me lord in my time of need
i beg you watch me lord today
without you theres no other way

tomorrow is not promised, rite now its very short
so while im living at this moment, my actions must be pure
help me through all my trials, so on this journey ill endure
so when i call upon your name, i know my life wont be the same
so with a clean heart, and a pure mind, pure thoughts, from a pure mind
draw the earth with a clean mind, i know my soul be find
ohhhhhhhhhh

watch me lord in my time of need
watch me lord and increase my speed
watch me lord in my time of need
i beg you watch me lord today
without you theres no other way

- Christoper Martin

Wacha waseme

2010-06-08T08:55:00.002+03:00

Don't worry about it.

Engage others

2010-06-08T08:49:00.002+03:00

Rather than tell them what you think. Listen to them, and what they are trying to say.

Life is people

2010-06-08T08:24:00.000+03:00

Intrinsically.

In the end, it all adds up to zero

2010-06-07T09:14:00.002+03:00

Nought.

The nature of things

2010-06-05T15:01:00.002+03:00

You get chest pain, then you die. You get into a car or bus or plane, then you die. You get sick, then you die. You slip and fall, then you die.

Have no doubt

2010-06-02T18:57:00.002+03:00

Doubt always bears fruit.

Stolen water is sweet

2010-05-28T21:44:00.000+03:00

But the dead are there.

Do things

2010-05-19T12:50:00.002+03:00

Do brilliant things.

If you follow

2010-05-14T14:38:00.002+03:00

He will lead.

No shaking

2010-05-12T21:58:00.002+03:00

No running.

If you want to sing [out loud]

2010-05-11T11:18:00.002+03:00

Sing [out loud].

Listen

2010-05-03T22:09:00.001+03:00

It pays.

No more running

2010-04-21T20:25:00.000+03:00

No skirting. My time is over. My time is here.

Love your neighbour

2010-04-16T18:58:00.002+03:00

Start there.

Damned if you do. Damned if you don't

2010-03-19T19:25:00.001+03:00

Story of my life.

Utility

2010-03-18T18:59:00.002+03:00

Why does spending money on doctors feel better than spending money on nightclubs.

No [more] excuses

2010-03-09T19:12:00.000+03:00

I have everything I need. Everything is provided for.

Anxiety without xanax

2010-03-03T09:30:00.000+03:00

Can be a formidable thing.

Two questions

2010-02-26T17:19:00.000+03:00

In this life, there are only two questions you need to answer. One. Do you believe God exists. Two. Do you really believe God exists.

Good days

2010-02-26T17:17:00.001+03:00

Is it normal to have so many good days. Certainly doesn't feel normal.

Press on

2010-02-25T09:44:00.002+03:00

Keep your eyes on the prize.

Hard pressed on every side

2010-02-17T18:20:00.002+03:00

But not crushed.

Perplexed, but not in despair.
Persecuted, but not abandoned.
Struck down, but not destroyed.

Genuine, yet regarded as impostors.
Known, yet regarded as unknown.
Beaten, and yet not killed.
Sorrowful, yet always rejoicing.
Poor, yet making many rich.
Having nothing, and yet possessing everything.

Live by faith

2010-02-17T08:57:00.001+03:00

Not by sight.

Don't get frustrated

2010-02-15T14:58:00.000+03:00

Let it go.

It's not the doing that matters

2010-02-15T07:34:00.000+03:00

What's important is obedience.

Nobody should seek his own good

2010-02-12T07:20:00.001+03:00

But the good of others.

Knowledge puffs up

2010-02-12T07:19:00.000+03:00

The man who thinks he knows something does not yet know as he ought to know.

Mbele

2010-02-12T06:40:00.002+03:00

Ka mfuko ya shati. Masaa.

I Surrender

2010-02-11T18:33:00.000+03:00

I told myself long ago
I'm never giving, no, no, I was wrong
Hey woman, you never know
How much I miss you

Wish that you could touch my hand
Just like you did before
I wish that you could call my name
And make me surrender

Wish that you could feel my needs
And know that I long for you
I miss every single thing we used to do

Baby, I surrender, I can't fight it anymore
This war has taken a toll, I am out of ammunition
I surrender, now you can have it your way
See, love is everything and what I need to do

If I think I know you well, there is no new lucky man
I see that you're still hurting, it's gonna take time
And so I'm back again just like a brand new man
Tell me what to do? And tell me how to play?

I surrender, I can't fight it anymore
This war has taken a toll, I am out of ammunition
I surrender, now you can have it your way
Just tell me what to do? Tell me how to play?

See here at the crossroads, I took you there before
No more to explore, no, no
My life won't be the same if you say you won't remain
That person I still adore

So I surrender, I can't fight it anymore
This war has taken a toll, I'm out of ammunition
I surrender, have it your way
See, your love is everything and what I need to do

Trust me I'm lonely
I long for you, say I long for you
Now all I wanna do is just live for you babe, yes

I surrender, I can't fight it anymore
This war has taken a toll, I'm out of ammunition
I surrender, now you can have it your way
Love is everything and what I need to know

I surrender, if only I, if I knew I would miss you so much
I, I, I, I, I, surrender
Don't know how much more I can beg to you but
Baby, baby, I, yes

I surrender, now you can have it your way
See, your love is everything and what I need to do

- Beres Hammond

Whatever you do

2010-02-11T09:29:00.000+03:00

Be fully persuaded.

What do you have that you did not receive

2010-02-10T10:03:00.000+03:00

And if you did receive it, why do you boast as though you did not.

Don't be afraid of situations

2010-01-18T14:18:00.000+03:00

A corollary being don't avoid them.

When he says go

2010-01-18T07:23:00.002+03:00

Don't look back.

[you could turn into salt, or have a more difficult journey than you need to]

Results mode

2010-01-18T07:11:00.002+03:00

No more Research mode. How enjoyable and fulfilling it is regardless. It's very expensive. Can't afford it anymore. Another interesting transition.

I can do anything

2010-01-18T07:05:00.001+03:00

Why is that such a surprise.

Clueless

2010-01-12T14:03:00.002+03:00

I have no idea how things work.

Just one of those days

2010-01-12T11:51:00.000+03:00

Hopefully there won't be many more in 2010.

What are you afraid of

2010-01-10T19:43:00.001+03:00

That's the real question.

Being sociable

2010-01-08T18:16:00.002+03:00

Apparently sometimes you do things not because you really want to, or because they make sense to you. You do them for the sole purpose of being sociable. I missed out on that life lesson in my formative years. Only learning it now.

Same old

2010-01-08T18:15:00.000+03:00

It's the best thing anyone has said about me in a long time.

If it feels good

2010-01-07T07:59:00.000+03:00

But isn't right. Stop.

You can

2010-01-06T14:14:00.000+03:00

So, just do it.

Everything has a cost

2010-01-06T09:32:00.000+03:00

Everything. The only question is whether the benefit is worth it.

It didn't occur to me

2010-01-05T14:11:00.002+03:00

I didn't not do it out of some ill motive. I didn't consciously not do it. Perhaps I should have known better. Perhaps not knowing at the time is symptomatic of something else. Some underlying problem. Perhaps not. Who knows.

Have you any right to be angry?

2010-01-05T07:15:00.000+03:00

No. You did not tend it or make it grow.

Overload

2010-01-05T06:31:00.000+03:00

There's just too much stuff out there. Too many things to know.

Pause

2009-12-24T11:33:00.001+03:00

Pause. Reflect. Learn. Move on.

However

2009-12-23T11:23:00.001+03:00

I consider my life worth nothing to me.

Focus on the solution

2009-12-23T11:06:00.000+03:00

Not the problem.

See You When You're 40

2009-12-20T20:16:00.002+03:00

I've driven round in circles for three hours
It was bound to happen that I'd end up at yours
I temporarily forgot there's better days to come
I thought that I would give it just one more chance

'Cause I want, tonight, what I've been waiting for
But I found, tonight, what I've been warned about

You think you are complicated, deep mystery to all
Well it's taken me a while to see, you're not so special
All energy no meaning, with a lot of words
So paper thin no one real feeling, could knock you down

And I've seen, tonight, what I've been warned about
I'm gonna leave, tonight, before I change my mind

So see you when your 40, lost and all alone
Being comforted by strangers, you'll never need to know
Not sad because you lost me
Sad because you thought, it was cool to be sad

You think misery will make you stand apart from the crowd
If you had walked past me today, wouldn't have picked you out
I wouldn't have picked you out, wouldn't have picked you out

Now I've seen, tonight, how could I waste my time?
And I'll be on my way, and I won't be back

'Cause I've seen, tonight, what I've been warned about
Your just a boy, not a man, and I'm not coming back

And I'm not coming back, what I've been warned about

- Dido

Relax

2009-12-15T18:15:00.002+03:00

Everyone says that to me. I look at them and think, I know all that. Thing is, the only time I've been able to do that for more than a brief moment has been on drugs. Not a route I really like to take. But what else is one to do if he can't find the off switch.

I tried.

40 years of experience

2009-12-15T18:14:00.000+03:00

And one knows how to unblock a toilet.

Who to trust

2009-12-09T15:37:00.001+03:00

At some point you have to trust someone. You can't know, observe or test everything for yourself. Question is. Who do you trust.

Nothing really matters

2009-11-30T19:06:00.001+03:00

How refreshing. How liberating.

The love gene

2009-11-25T12:43:00.003+03:00

I must have gotten the recessive form. Or missed out all together.

Do you believe

2009-11-20T14:26:00.000+03:00

Really. Really really really believe.

If you believe

2009-11-12T16:11:00.000+03:00

Do.

F

2009-11-05T15:00:00.001+03:00

For Failure.

If you believe

2009-10-28T16:16:00.000+03:00

Do.

Before you complain

2009-10-27T21:35:00.000+03:00

Say something.

B

2009-10-27T20:55:00.001+03:00

Be the B-2.

Hard things

2009-10-22T21:35:00.000+03:00

Hard things can be done.

Say It Right

2009-10-14T20:36:00.002+03:00

In the day, in the night
Say it right, say it all
You either got it (hey) or you don't (hey)
You either stand (hey) or you fall (hey)
When your will (hey) is all broken (hey)
When it slips (hey) from your hand (hey)
When there's no (hey) time for joking (hey)
There's a hole (hey) in the plan (hey)

Oh, you don't mean no-nothing at all to me (hey, hey)
No, you don't mean no-nothing at all to me (hey, hey)
But, you got what it takes to set me free (hey, hey)
Oh, you could mean e-everything to me (hey, hey)

I can't say (say) that I’m not (not) lost (lost) and at fault (fault)
I can't say (say) that I don’t (don’t) love the light (light) and dark (dark)
I can't say (oh) that I don’t (don’t) know that I (yeah) am alive (alive)
And all (oh) of what I feel (feel) I could show (show you)
You tonight you tonight

Oh, you don't mean no-nothing at all to me (hey, hey)
No, you don't mean no-nothing at all to me (hey, hey)
But, you got what it takes to set me free (hey, hey)
Oh, you could mean e-everything to me (hey, hey)

From my hands I could give you, something that I made
From my mouth (hey) I could sing you (hey) another bridge (hey) that I made (hey)
From my body (from my body) I can show you (I can show you) a place (a place)
God knows (God knows)
You should know this place is holy (aah), do you really wannna go?

- Nelly Furtado

A new leaf

2009-10-14T20:11:00.003+03:00

I've had innumerable start-overs. So in some ways this is just another in the bunch. In other ways though, it's rather novel. It represents more aspirations than ever before. Incorporates many more fundamental changes. My track record with these resolution type things is abysmal, but the allure of a fresh start is irresistible. So. Here I go again.

Anniversary

2009-10-08T16:04:00.002+03:00

It's been a year. A seminal year. And now the future beckons.

Forget about it

2009-09-30T20:42:00.000+03:00

Forget about everything.

I'm annoyed

2009-09-29T15:15:00.000+03:00

Because she's annoyed. Does that even make sense.

Turning point

2009-09-23T14:09:00.002+03:00

I had a feeling it would take something significant to change things. And that something's come.

Visualization

2009-09-22T19:54:00.003+03:00

I never paid much attention to it. Ironically because it seemed rather crazy. I was skeptical even as I took the tape. Only made the one attempt at using it. A couple of minutes into it and the feeling of weirdness was too much. So that was the end of that. I think I gave the tape to someone who knew and appreciated Tchaikovsky.

Not sure then what has made me start dabbling in imagery recently. It's a funny feeling though. In the literal giggly sense. Lying there eyes closed headphones on. Listening. Seeing yourself getting down. No inhibitions. Nobody's watching. No getting tired. All sorts of moves. So intense physical effort has to be made to keep the arms and legs from moving about. So pleasurable no amount of effort can stop the breaking out of a smile.

What dreams may come

2009-09-17T20:53:00.003+03:00

Dreams are meant to be fantasy. At least that's the impression I had. So it's rather odd and confusing when you're busy in your fantasy world then you find yourself doing things that you would typically do in real life. It's like "wait a minute". "Whoa!". "Something's not right". Like the matrix deja vue moment.

But the dream goes on. You're now conscious of the fact that you're in dreamland, but it's like you're watching yourself in a movie. A movie you can't stop. Like a runaway train. A V1 missile. All attempts at pausing due to the weirdness of the reality mixed with fantasy coming to naught. Who knows why you see the images you do. I suppose they have something to do with current ongoings in one's life. Something to do with the brain's processing of such. I wonder about all those falling dreams, and flying dreams. I really enjoyed the flying dreams.

None of this compares of course to vivid dreams. Those were truly scary. You wake up and ask yourself whether that was a dream or something that actually happened. Whether it is a genuine memory. It's probably the most scary thing about losing your mind. Not being able to differentiate between real and not-real. It's probably the definition of madness. The only thing that helped was that the scenarios were a bit out there so most of the time you go like "Naah". Can't be true. Seems true, but just can't be. Like the one with knives and lots of blood. No way.

So it is a good thing when dreams vanish. When you try to savour one, but it slips through your hands. Enjoy it while it lasts.

Life is people

2009-09-13T21:00:00.000+03:00

And people are more important than things.

Not always saying no

2009-09-10T12:44:00.002+03:00

I was accused once of always saying "No". And my response? Noooo. No way. Not me. Surely not. Hakuna. And that's when I realized the truth of the matter.

It's one of those times when it takes someone else to point out something to you. Something you didn't realise. Something you've perpetuated for eternity, but were unaware of. When I think about it, I can fit the jigsaw puzzle together. I know all the early childhood events that caused this one. But that's not really important. What matters is what I need to do about it. Conquer fear is all. And say "No" a little less often, even when I know better.

The time is short

2009-09-09T17:59:00.002+03:00

From now on those who have wives should live as if they had none; those who mourn, as if they did not; those who are happy, as if they were not; those who buy something, as if it were not theirs to keep; those who use the things of the world, as if not engrossed in them. For this world in its present form is passing away.

Illusions

2009-09-09T17:13:00.002+03:00

It was quite an eye opener seeing how some people's circumstances had changed post global financial crisis or economic meltdown or whatever other names it's gone by. How someone goes from being in the middle class to living out of shelters. How families have to move back in with [grand]parents or whoever they have. Those who are lucky to have someone. Moving from self sufficient, middle manager with wife and 2.4 kids, to welfare. For those countries which are lucky enough to have welfare.

It was just another reminder. Nothing is what it seems. It's all smoke and mirrors. You are minding your business in your job, feeling secure about your position and health benefits and pension and stuff when all of a sudden it's gone. Poof. Some guys buy a bunch of securitized products and there goes your reality. Just like that. So much for your security. Or you're blindsided in an accident and your life changes then and there. In an instant. So much for all your plans.

Everything is an illusion.

When a man meets a woman

2009-09-08T19:49:00.002+03:00

Everywhere I look people are hooking up and getting hitched and having babies. People my age. People I know. Does a time come in someone's life when they say, "This is it", and get onto that phase of life. People have loads of galfriends and boyfriends from early on. Is it that you only meet "the one" after you pass a certain age? All those partners you had before. What about them. What makes things different with this one person. After you start earning a certain amount on money? Does that somehow make you more likely to meet the wonderful person you'll spend the rest of your life with. All those people you met before the promotion. What about them.

Part of my dis-ease I suppose, stems from the fact that in my head I'm still 12 or whatever. I feel like pretty much the same person from way back. It's just that you keep having birthdays and that number that denotes your age keeps increasing. And you can't dance all night anymore. I don't feel like an old [responsible] person. Or what we used to refer to as a reasonable member of society. Perhaps it's because I don't know how a 30 year old is supposed to feel. Are you meant to have this urge to settle down with someone and start a home. This driving purpose to have children and perpetuate your genes. There must be something to explain it. Perhaps it's one of those things. When you come of age, that's what you do. Find someone, anyone, and get on with it. One of those instincts built into our circuitry. It's a wonder then that we wait so long these days to take that inevitable step. In times past, you wouldn't make it out of your teen years without being well on your way. I always say if it's something you're going to do, why wait. Someone better to come along? There's always someone better. And from what I've seen or heard, after a while, being with your spouse becomes only marginally different from being with your siblings. So that one person is as good as the next. I should start taking my medicine and meet someone.

Superlatives

2009-09-08T19:27:00.002+03:00

I'm not sure why I started avoiding these. Not sure where the fear of the exclamation mark came from. Words like awesome and magnificent are quite common, especially on the telly. Always makes me wonder. If you describe everything as brilliant, then what does brilliant really mean. Not sure if it's meant to be for the uplifting of our collective self esteem. Or it's how people are meant to talk. I wouldn't know, my social aptitude not being too high.

I prefer to reserve wonderful descriptions for wonderful things. Don't think I've ever used the double exclamation!! It's quite apparent then, my excitement, when I encounter something remarkable. No having to guess if I really mean it. How much I meant it. Or perhaps I'm just a pessimist, so look disproportionately more at the negative aspects of everything. Skirt those superlatives.

God provides

2009-09-08T13:04:00.000+03:00

You believe. He provides.

Conflict

2009-09-07T19:37:00.003+03:00

It's inevitable where there is more than one person. Because everyone sees things differently and has different opinions. And wanting your views to prevail is only a logical consequence. So life is a series of conflict resolution sessions.

There are a number of ways these conflicts can get resolved. One party can give in. Back down. Let the other guy have his way. No more conflict. There could be compromise, where both parties give up something. Getting something may be better than getting nothing, or perpetuating the conflict. One guy can have some kind of authority. So that no matter how much back and forth goes on, what he decides goes. You may have different ideas from your boss, but he's the boss. Or the king or the president or whatever. Sometimes the winner is whoever has the most guys agreeing with him. Or whoever makes the most noise. You can bully your way into victory that way. Ultimately if no one is willing to budge, you'll have to fight it out, and whoever is the stronger, or whoever is the last one standing prevails. Things are always tending towards this outcome and unless the other choices are taken, it is where things ends up. It's ironic that people who've fought in world wars decry any sort of war. It's a terrible thing. Makes old men cry. Still it goes on. I guess fighting is one of those things we'll always have. Part of the human experience.

Just Another Day

2009-09-05T19:53:00.002+03:00

[Intro:]
(Voices crying crying out crying out)
Voices crying out
(Voices crying crying out crying out)
Can you hear dem
(Voices crying crying out crying out)
Listen
(Voices crying crying out crying out)
Can you help dem
(Voices crying)
Can you
(Voices crying)

[Verse 1:]
Homeless people on the street
With blisters on their feet (blisters on their feet)
From a distance I heard a voice saying
Sir can you help me (help me)
They been there all day
No one will look their way
They ignore their cries
As they pass dem by
Never wondering
If that could be dem someday

[Chorus:]
For you and me
It's just another day (just another day)
The reality
Is all for us to face
For you and me
It's just another day (just another day)
We fail to see
The ones who live this way... way

[Verse 2:]
As the night falls
They have nowhere to sleep (they have no way to sleep)
From card board boxes
Beneath the trenches
That's their privacy
So much sleepless nights
All the fears inside
As the cars go by
Strangers in the night
Never wondering
If that could be dem someday (someday)

[Chorus:]
For you and me
It's just another day (just another day)
The reality
Is all for us to face
For you and me
It's just another day (just another day)
Why can't we see
The ones who live this way

[Bridge:]
(Voices crying crying out crying out)
Listen to their voices
As you walk on by
(Voices crying crying out crying out)
Can you hear dem
(Voices crying crying out crying out)
They're crying out for you
(Voices crying crying out crying out)
To help dem
(Voices crying)
Listen...

[Chorus:]
For you and me
It's just another day (just another day)
The reality
Is all for us to face
For you and me
It's just another day (just another day)
We fail to see
The ones who live this way

- Da'Ville

Nothing to say

2009-09-02T20:37:00.002+03:00

It's disconcerting how you meet someone, converse for a couple of days, and after that...Nothing. No witty stories. No funny stories. No new stories. Nothing. Not that I've ever been prolific at any of these. Still.